Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Randomize
