____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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