There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
