she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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