Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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