even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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