I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
