My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I didn't notice because vodka
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
