upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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