Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
