he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
