Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
