"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
