Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
