Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
