If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize