I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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