What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
