Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
