Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
