Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Randomize
