dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
