I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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