Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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