Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
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We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
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School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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