I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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