It's like a parade of train wrecks.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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