Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
