My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
