She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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