I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
