You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
