you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
