i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
