No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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