She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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