she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
