let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize