you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
