omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We need a shit load of segways right now
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
