so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
