I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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