i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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