At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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