capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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