That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
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He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
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Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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