Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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