this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
