Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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