Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
