note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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