So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
