This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
