cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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