Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
