I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
His hands were made for my vagina.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
