I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
