Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
True strength comes from lack of pants
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
