He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
