Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
