Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Will exercising make me less horny?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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