shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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