Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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