Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
