sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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