You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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