So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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