Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
