xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
