Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
