It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize