actually, I'm a sock model
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
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