Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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