Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
