It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
