Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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