Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
