Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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