so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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