that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
